Vestal, NY, USA (7833) October 2005 | Timeline

My Mum
My Mum died on Christmas day. My sister, Marilyn, phones from Vestal, NY to say she died in the night. It's the holidays and people are all around, we're eating and drinking and talking. My thoughts are suddenly emptied. I'd spoken with my mum on Christmas Eve, and we said we would talk again on Christmas day. Marilyn had bought her from the nearby Vestal Nursing Center for an evening meal and to stay over for Christmas day. Feelings of emptiness, loss, loneliness wander around me. I say I will come over and help out in any way I can. I contact the airlines and reserve a return ticket to New York and plan to either drive or get the bus from there to Vestal. Fragmented memories drift by like leaves being carried in a brook to the river and the sea.

The photograph above is from the slideshow of my last trip to Vestal, the shadows are of my mum in a wheelchair and me holding the camera. It's a warm Sunday afternoon in early October, Marilyn has made some tea and we're sitting outside the Vestal Nursing Center talking. Memories from our childhood; stories from a trip to Spain in the 50s; driving through France, visiting Barcelona, Elche, Alicante, Madrid. Stories from the war when both her parents were killed in an air raid while she was at school. Memories of living in London, and memories of her and my father moving to Maryland, USA in the mid 70s. And other stories. I say to her that I must put together a book of pictures and her stories during next year, and she smiles a smile that says 'let's see'.

Marilyn has organised the funeral for Saturday, at St Andrew's Episcopal Church in Vestal, New York. I think my nieces will be flying up there, but my health has not been too good with uneasy sleep, breathing problems and tiredness, so we decide it would be wise for me not to make the trip. My other sister, Wendy, couldn't make the trip either and I'll plan to meet up with her over the weekend and maybe we'll go for a walk in Richmond Park, the area of London we grew up in ...

'Vestal' Slideshows

Posted on 12/28/2005 11:04:46 PM | Comments

1. Posted by Stewart on 12/28/2005 3:51:38 PM
My thoughts are with you Tony, i've nothing apt to say at a time like this except to give my condolences to you.

2. Posted by Robert K. on 12/28/2005 7:37:27 PM
Tony, I'm very sorry to hear this sad news! That's too bad that you won't be able to make the trip to NY. Hopefully you and your sister will be able to get together.

3. Posted by tony on 12/29/2005 12:31:33 AM
Hi Stewart, thanks, and thank you for stopping by. Words aren't easy to find to describe the disparate thoughts that run alongside the feelings of loss. For me I'll find time to gently and quietly reflect amidst the everyday, and maybe tease out some meaningful words.

4. Posted by tony on 12/29/2005 12:53:39 AM
Robert, it's very good to have you come by. Yes, I'l miss being with my sister and family in Vestal, NY, but I'll do things with family and friends over here during the next few days and over the weekend.

5. Posted by twig on 12/29/2005 4:31:07 AM
Staystrong friend.
Love and sympathy to you and your sisters.

6. Posted by Earl on 12/29/2005 6:35:27 AM
So sorry to hear of your loss. Your photo says a lot, and it reminds me of the blessings of the time I had with my parents before they passed away. May God bless and strengthen you in the days ahead, and may your photos trigger many more smiles than tears in you life.

7. Posted by Greg on 12/29/2005 7:21:30 PM
I'm truly sorry for your loss Tony. It seems that there are always those things left unsaid and undone when this moment arrives. She smiled that "let's see" smile. BUt I do believe God built a universe that will place you before that same smile again... "someday" Until then coast on a lifetime of love she gave you. Condolences and prayers my friend.

8. Posted by tony on 12/30/2005 12:09:51 AM
Hi Twig, thank you, I'll send your love to Marilyn amd Wendy.

9. Posted by tony on 12/30/2005 12:20:44 AM
Hi Earl, thanks so much for that. The photograph is a often associated with a personal memory but when it's shared and becomes part of conversation it can become meaningful in other ways, thanks for your thoughts here.. and btw thanks for your memories in 'another family'.

10. Posted by tony on 12/30/2005 12:28:14 AM
Greg, thank you, I appreciate your thoughts. I suppose 'life' can be seen as an eternal process, with no beginning or ending, just interludes where we try and make the best of our everyday lives .. without too many loose ends ;-)

11. Posted by blue on 12/30/2005 4:52:35 AM
Its been a while, Tony. I am sorry to hear the news at this moment. I lost my father two years ago during the new year. I know what you mean by feeling emptied. I felt the same when I heard about my father. However, birth and death are things we can not really avoid. I just hope that you are with someone by your side.
Take Care,
Blue

12. Posted by tony on 12/30/2005 5:18:36 AM
Hi Blue, it's very good to hear from you, and yes, life is hard to avoid with its beginnings and endings, and everything in between, including the feelings of loss and grieving. I'm lucky to have Jude here - someone by my side. Take care and all the best for the new year.

13. Posted by Neoslv on 12/30/2005 5:59:48 PM
I'm very sorry to hear this sad news!. Receive my condolences to you.

14. Posted by ADDIE on 12/30/2005 7:28:28 PM
HI UNCLE TONY
I WISH YOU AND AUNT WENDY COULD BE HERE, I AM SURE YOU DO TOO. WE MISS YOU TERRIBLY. YOUR PICTURES ARE AMAZING; EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!!!! THE TRIBUTE TO GRANDMA AND THE PHOTOGRAPH IS WONDERFUL. I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I AM A SHEDDING A COUPLE TEARS RIGHT NOW. THOUGH THERE ARE MANY MILES BETWEEN US, YOU ARE STILL ALWAYS IN MY HEART AND MIND. TAKE CARE OF YOU AND MUCH LOVE TO YOU. SEE YOU IN MAY!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

YOUR LITTLE NIECE
ADDIE

15. Posted by KIMBERLY on 12/30/2005 7:45:25 PM
Hello Uncle Tony,
I am sad that we cannot all be together at this time or any other time. The pictures and writings have touched me and make me feel closer to the memories. Thank you for taking the time to post them and for us all to share and remember. Most of them I have not seen before now. The most comforting feeling is that they make me laugh and smile rather than cry. I know in my heart that Grandma is now with Grandad. We will forever have two guardian angels watching over us with more love and power than we will ever know. The next time I am asked a question and I am not sure what my decision will be..... I will simply say "let's see" and I will know that Grandma will help me make my decision to be the best one. All my love to you at this time.

16. Posted by tony on 12/31/2005 12:06:13 AM
Neoslv, hi, thank you for your commiserations.

17. Posted by tony on 12/31/2005 12:19:09 AM
Hi Addie and Kim, how wonderful to have your thoughts here. It was great talking with you both on the phone yesterday. Today, New Years Eve, will be the memorial service for my mum - a day of memories. I'll be walking today, and probably cycling, and possibly photographing, and I'll be thinking of you all.

18. Posted by francis on 12/31/2005 3:36:04 AM
this is so sad. my thoughts go out to you.

19. Posted by Paige on 12/31/2005 6:45:37 AM
Hi Uncle Tony,
I drove up from Virginia this morning to be with the girls and Mom and my thoughts are with you. Many times this year we've been going through old letters and photos of the family and the nostalgia washes over you. On a recent visit to southern Maryland, I drove by the old house and many happy thoughts came flooding back. Everytime I go to the theater or into the city, I think of Grandma and how regal she was. I am grateful that she was able to meet Baylen (our oldest son) but sad that she'll never know our younger one. Love to you and Wendy.

20. Posted by francesco on 12/31/2005 8:38:58 AM
Happy New Year

21. Posted by blue on 12/31/2005 9:44:03 AM
I dont know is it appropriate but I want to also wish you a Happy New Year.

22. Posted by Arlene on 12/31/2005 2:15:13 PM
So sorry to hear about your "Mum''.....hope the New Year brings good memories and some solace to you and your family.
They weather in Vestal can be trecherous at this time of the year...
They often close the airport and it is snowing there right now.

23. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 2:39:49 AM
Francis, hi, yes, it's been a sad week mixed with many good memories.

24. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 2:48:19 AM
Hi Paige, it's very good to hear from you and I'm glad you managed to make the journey to Vestal. I think I'll be doing a lot of looking through the old family pictures during 2006. Take care and have a great year.

25. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 2:49:05 AM
Francesco, hi, Happy New Year.

26. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 2:50:49 AM
Blue, thanks. Take care and have a great 2006.

27. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 3:14:33 AM
Hi Arlene, thanks for stopping by. This has been a week of remembering and reflecting. Just after my mum's memorial service on Saturday the snows came in.

28. Posted by angie on 1/1/2006 12:45:51 PM
Tony- I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you.

29. Posted by Douglas on 1/1/2006 2:22:36 PM
My condolences and thoughts go to you and your family at a difficult time. She went amongst those she loved and she was loved by when she passed on. Of course that can't bring her back, but your families warm memories carry her on. All the best with your trip over and your birthday next week.

30. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 3:45:35 PM
Angie, thank you .. the sadness lingers, but it's also a time to gather together good memories.

31. Posted by tony on 1/1/2006 3:49:32 PM
Hi Douglas, thanks for this .. as you've probably gathered I didn't make it to Vestal, but I've just completed a slideshow made on a visit to Richmond Park on Saturday.

32. Posted by Douglas on 1/2/2006 1:31:51 AM
I realise from the next posting that Wendy and you did not go over. You went to Vestal such a short time ago, that is what was good timing. Your photographs trigger memories and conversation, I am off to look at the slide show. All the best.

33. Posted by robert on 1/3/2006 1:51:44 AM
Deepest sympathies -- Robert

34. Posted by tony on 1/3/2006 2:23:06 AM
Thank you Robert.

35. Posted by Pam Lieberman on 1/8/2006 11:57:55 PM
Hello Tony,
Remember me? Pam from Vestal Nursing Center. I live in Florida now. I had to write you to let you know how very very sorry I am to hear about Sheila. One of the nurses from the nursing home contacted me to tell me because she knew your mom and I were close.
I want you to know that you all will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will never ever forget Sheila and I consider it such a blessing that she was a part of my life. I thanked God immediately for giving me a job that allows me to have the honor and priviledge of caring for them. That's how I felt about your mom. I looked forward everyday to seeing her and while I was going to nursing school she gave me such encouragement. When I graduated in September she was so happy for me and told me how proud she was of me.
I was so sad when my family and I decided to move to Florida and I had to leave Vestal, because I knew how much I would miss her. My deepest deepest condolonces to you all.

36. Posted by tony on 1/10/2006 3:04:08 PM
Hi Pam, it's very good to hear from you here and thank you so much for these words. I know my Mum really appreciated you and your warm personality. I hope you are keeping well and that life in Florida is working out for you. Take care.